Extra Curricular Activities

Teachers here at Kingswood have a full plate. The other Grade 5 teacher I work with teaches his regular Grade 5 class, art classes, coaches whatever sport is in season, and you can find him mowing the school's grass in whatever free time he has left. My teacher teaches, coaches, is in charge of a current school play, and his Head Matron over one of the boarding houses. Wow. This Student Teacher has been no exception. Swimming- they have me coaching swimming- (enter laughter here). Not only have I never coached swimming, but they gave me the beginner group. Please try to picture this-- an odd ball mix of extra big to tiny as a stick swimmers, that if by the end of the practice no one has drowned, I consider it a huge success. It's so funny (chaotic, nerve wracking, makes you just have to make a big sigh) when the big swimmers try to stay above water ("swim") and create such a tidal wave that the littles ones are washed away. Arms flaling, zig zag lines and doggy paddling are normal sights to see. I've given it my best shot, taught them some things, and no one's died, so overall I think it was a good experience. One of my favorite memories is as a last resort (and because I really thought it would be a lot of fun) I lead them in some supurb water arobics.

We also just finished up with "Cafe Cabaret" which was a huge production put on by the school staff (everyone from the Stooges to the Headmasters in the Junior & Senior Schools) for them to bond and raise money for charity. We performed to pretty packed audiences for 4 nights- it was such a blast! I performed in a routine with the teachers to "Dancing Queen" as well as with the Stooge Girls in the "Can Can!" We were a hit, it might have helped that we did a lot of ruffling of our skirts and even flashed our undies at the end!

Here's a tour of the school via the back of my friends Motor Bike. You might want to mute the volume-- the wind sounds pretty hectic!

Being the Famous American Student Teacher

I understand why famous people hide behind hoods and big sunglasses- I've experienced the same feeling. Don't get me wrong- it's incredible- but after you've returned a big smile and excited 'hallo' to a never ending supply of kids in the hallway, every passing period, every school day for going on 3 months now- you start looking for alternative routes.

When I look at the kids, the classroom and even the school building I can picture them fitting in the US-I almost forget I'm in another country until they start asking me questions with metric measurements- any questions on in./ft./yrds? No?

Me attempting to grade English assignments is also puzzling due to them spelling so many words differently. Spelling is already not my strong suit- then to see words like realise, mum, colour, and practise on papers- oh my! I always have to have a dictionary in arms reach!

I've had a lot of fun with the units I've gotten to teach. One was a detective mystery over "The Mysterious Case of Specimen-X". They got clues everyday to solve what this strange creature was meanwhile learning all about frogs. We also had a Bird Safari where they were trained all about birds to become well educated safari guides. They then researched their own birds and taught the class about them during our pretend Bird Safari excursion.

Below is a clip of a staged- but close to real- classroom greeting when a teacher walks in the room. The one below that is just a survey of my scene.

Learning the Tricks of the Trade

So I've learned that if you're having trouble getting sleepyhead boys out of bed (age 10-14) all you need to do is mischieviously coordinate them all to go jump on another sleepyhead's bed- I've never seen them move so fast! It goes from being half awake, to, 'OKAY! Let's go!" Another trick is to start singing 'Dancing Queen' while dancing goofily in their room. Trying to hide their smiles, I'll I hear is "Nooooooooo, we'll get up, we'll get up!!" as they jump out of bed.

Over Halloween weekend I was really missing being home because they did nothing fun to celebrate it. So I got them all together in a pitch black room with a 'torch' (flashlight) and we took turns telling ghost stories- creepy voices and sound effects included! Keep in mind they're in 5th-7th grade, so their stories were really random, odd and not really scary at all. They had a good time though, especially laughing at me when I would jump at their loud or surprising parts. (Those that have ever experienced watching a scary movie can relate- I can be rediculously jumpy.) They even had shy little Tino hiding in a suitcase in the middle of the room, ready to jump out at the perfect moment to scare the unexpected newcomer. Half the fun was trying to secretly pulll this off without the Matrons knowing- they can be so strict and mean- I'm sure they wouldn't approve of half the things I allow (and plan!) for the boys to do.

I've realized that even though these boys are some of the luckiest/most priviledged in SA (compared to all those living in 3rd world poverty) they still have such a deficit when it comes to tlc. They say being a border is good because it makes you tough- but I don't know if that's so great. They miss out on a lot of tenderness and special attention. A new goal of mine is to hug and compliment/encourage a border each day. Go hug and encourage someone today that isn't expecting it- it'll be fun for both of you.

Fun Traditions

This is a picture from the Matric's (Seniors) last day of school. Kingswood has this fun tradition where for an hour the Matrics are let loose in the Jr. School- the boys wearing little girl uniforms and the girls wearing the boys. They go crazy running around giving out kisses on the cheaks to all the kids and staff. They (boys and girls alike) have a bright tube of red lipstick that they reapply and reapply. The Jr. Kids just go haywire- screaming in excitment as these big kids dressed funny chase them around to kiss them. Ms. Aspleings daughter is a Matric, and she landed one on me! It's a site to see at the end of the hour- kids and teacher's faces covered in smooches and bragging about who had more. It was funny to see a heard of Matric boys (keep in mind- wearing tiny little skirts that don't cover much of them!) tackling one of their old male teachers. It was also halirious the day before to see the look on one of the new boy's face when he was told about this tradition- he was terrifed, thinking that these senior girls were going to french kiss him!

Cause I'm free, free falling!

When someone says, "So if your friend jumped off a bridge, you would too?" it normally is to convince someone not to do something stupid. Well, consider me stupid.

The entire day before (as I was attempting to relax on an incredible beach in SA mind you) my stomach could do nothing but turn thinking and analysing why I shouldn't or should join my friend in bungee jumping off the highest bungee jump bridge in the world the next day. Everyone here told me I had to do it, being a once in a lifetime opportunity, blah blah blah (come to find out most of them hadn't). I replayed every split second in my mind of what I thought it would be like, and finally decided that, heck no, there was absolutely no way I was going to do it, and peer pressure wouldn't be enough to convince me otherwise. I continued with that same stubbornness all morning. We got to go on the bridge with my friend Sukie to watch her jump, and the workers told us it wasn't too late, that if anyone else was interested they could still harness them up, no problem. I think we know what comes next here, out of pure adrenaline/stupidity, I excitedly yelled, 'strap me up!' It was the most unpredictable experience, because before this point I was terrified just watching people jump, and now I felt completely fearless. I don't know what came over me, whether it was the breathtaking (litterally!) scenery, the loud pump up music, or once again, pure stupidity, I felt so relaxed you would have thought I was about to take a walk on the beach. Sukie and I were standing on the bridge, making jokes, dancing to the music, and I couldn't wait. It was quite a site to see hardcore bikers with tattoos up and down them, smoking cigarettes and sweating of nervousness and Sukie and I 'break dancing'.

It was my turn, and I got strapped up (just this measly thing wrapped around your ankles- okay that's what it felt like anyway), as the workers helped me step to the edge I warned them that they were going to have to push me- there was no way in heck I would be able to jump off a 216 meter bridge completely on my on free will, close, but not completely. Then there was no time to think, "3...2...1 BUNGEE!!" They all said I looked so funny after they pushed me, my arms flailing like I was trying to pull myself back. The first second, all I can remember was complete, all over body shock- as Roy says, "Hard to explain the rush...flying toward Terra ferma at terminal velocity with your life in the hands of a bunch of rubber bands! WOW!" The next few seconds were bliss- I was able to stretch out my arms (they had given up apparently in pulling myself back on the bridge) and thoroughly enjoy while screaming through the free fall. As soon as I felt the cord bounce me back up, I remember just screaming "I'M ALIVE, THANK YOU GOD I'M ALIVE!". It's incredible then to just bounce a few more times and be in the middle of this incredible vast, scenery- even if it was all upside down! After what seemed like an eternity of hanging, I got pulled back up with an unbelievable adrenaline rush. I am so glad I did it, and if given the chance, I would definitely do it again!

Learning to eat all over again

(This meal incredible- salad with feta cheese and cherries and egg plant with chicken, cheese and ??? some other things that were really tastey!)

Next to my 'accent', the 2nd hardest way to hide that I am a foreigner is when it comes time to eat. I don't know how many times I sat in the dinning hall, and had to turn to ask a friend, 'what is this and how do I eat it?' At my first meal off the plane, Almarie (and every South African I've met after her) excitedly asked if I had ever tried Biltonge. The first time I heard it, in my ears I heard 'bull tongue'- and instantly I felt my stomach sink and I thought, 'I just landed in Africa and already they're offering me strange animal parts to eat!' Ahh! Since then I've learned its actually a prized, higher quality type of jerky. Unfortunately, it just so happens jerky is one of the only foods I can not stomach, so with a big smile I've received and regifted a few gifts of Biltonge since I've been here.

I was freaked out when I was first offered milk for my 'pourage' (cereal) that had been left out over night. Their milk is processed differently here in a way that makes it long lasting- it can go days without being in the fridge- that took some getting used to!

I've been served a lot of interesting combinations here as well- one was a croissant with graded cheese and jam for breakfast. It was surprisingly 'nice'. It's so interesting to me how they never use the word 'good', always 'nice'. And it's definitely 'jam', not 'jelly'. One day at lunch I mistakenly asked someone to pass the 'jelly' and I got a whole table of funny looks. Their 'jelly' is our Jello, so you can only imagine their confusion (& mine!). Also when they eat Jello, they pour hot vanilla custurd on top which is weird.Their 'crisps'/'chips' are so interesting to me- with flavors like Thai Chili, Tomato, and Spring Onion and Cheese. Fast food around here is also a lot more exciting, you can order pizza with sausage in the crust, and your hamburger choices include ones with mushroom sauce, fruit chutney or even a fried egg if you'd like! If you order 'chips' (fries) with your meal they even include a tiny fork to eat them with- and that is a perfect example of the 'cutlery' manners and expectations around here. Wow- eating has become an art form! Through early and kind teasing from Rufus I learned Americans are 'confused' in thinking the side of their fork is actually a knife to cut things with- that's not the case here. A knife and fork are in hand through the whole process of eating until your done, and then you set them down together diagonally on your plate. Heaven forbid you ever pick something up with your hands! One day out to lunch, Almarie stopped and took my picture because she was so proud of how I've learned to use my knife!

I am becoming quite accustomed to my Robust Tea and rusks as well as the scones, 'biscuits' (cookies) and chocolate they have here- they're all so 'divine'! With all these new and exciting things to try I don't think I'll be coming home looking like I've been in Africa!

Allow me to introduce you to my Host Family

Almarie, Rufus, Justus, and Inge. It's absolutly unreal how lucky I am to have been connected to these people and been counted as a member of their family since day 1. Almarie, who is excitedly holding her much desired Starbucks travel mugs from my family, may be one of the single most meaningful reasons why I'm here. I just don't feel like I can rightly express it in words. I love watching how her faith seems so real and simple. On any and every occasion she is sharing and living wisdom, making wise cracks that get me laughing, and taking more than an incredible amount of care of me. She has become a priceless friend and mentor and I already have this inkling she's going to be the hardest thing to leave when I come home.

Rufus, who I promise is the Crocodile Hunter, SA version, is much of the same. He is a man that gets very squeamish if kept indoors too long and is always willing to tenderly share what he's learned about life and God and ministry to anyone who will listen. A few times I've got to help him write his emails, which was funny, because apparently it shortens the process for him a great deal! I appreciate how he too makes such an effort to be apart of my life here. I am spoiled to get calls often asking how I'm doing and if I'm happy.

If you were wondering- it's real- Justus and I are definitely holding some homegrown Transkei Marijuana in the picture!

That's one thing I'm thinking probably shouldn't make it into my

souvenir collection.

Transkei- Take 2

A few weeks ago I got a special treat to tag along with an American team back into the Transkei. They were coming to do a variety of projects, one being going back to the school I visited before to do a course on AIDS awarness. My mom, being the compassionate and go-getter she is, arranged for the team to bring a suitcase from her filled with school supplies

(posters, blocks, chalkboards, atticus, balls, books) for me to take to them. What an awesome time to be the messenger! I really enojed showing the teachers everything and I know it will bless the kids and the school tremendously. It was an experience for me to have to show them what could and couldn't stick to the magnent board- something new to them!

I had such a light hearted and playful time with the kids this trip. My first trip I honestly really struggled to connect to what I was seeing and I became regretably stand off-ish. It was like I was seeing things in a picture- it had no deapth, if that makes sense. There was nothing I could relate to, we couldn't communicate, their culture was strange to me, and I was hesitant to even what body language was acceptable. This time was different and a connection was made through the little girl that is on my lap in the picture below. You know how most of the time when you pick up a little one to just squeeze and love to pieces, they normally lay there limp, unresponsive. When I picked up and hugged this young girl, I felt her little arms and tiny hands and fingers sqeeze me back. That was the first thing I understood in this village all day.

I spent most of my time surrounded (mobbed - in a good way- more like!) by little ones soaking it up. I would start to rub some backs, and all of a sudden someone was at my back giving it a good rub and even a masage! I would attempt to walk around, but I always had at least 2 kids holding on to my hips, so it was quite a slow, but sweet process to get anywhere. I was holding hands and playing tag, I was tickling and having my hair styled by their curious fingers. I got out my MP3 player and I had a line of tiny-big people hoping to get the chance to listen. They would all bob their heads and pretend to know the words as they sang along to Lifehouse and others. It's incredible how powerful a thing touch is, but it's a tragedy how rare and special it is to them.

A Girl's Home in Boy's Village

This is my new home in the 'Boy's Village' of Kingswood College. It's a gated area right next to the school with three houses, mine being the one back to the left in this pic-->

My house is called 'Rob House' and it has three bedrooms for the boys, a room for the Head Matron (older lady who's in charge) a room for me, a little kitchen and a living room area. This last weekend I had my first time on 'duty' where you get to hang out with the boys, plan activities for them (like going to the pool/computer lab/sports fields ect.), take them to their meals, make sure they shower, are in bed on time and then we wake them up in the morning. Our house has 11, 5th-7th grade boys who are all very ornery. They love to rough house, and they surprisingly learned I could hold my own! "Ms. Duggan's stronger than she looks!" "Ms. Duggan's fast'a than a cheetah!" My weekend with them was so much fun, we played games together on my lab top, I taught them how to play the card game Spoons, we went to the pool and they taught me how to play Cricket. Spoons was funny because I couldn't find any spoons so I used my mascara tubes just to watch them squirm. They were impressed with my Cricket playing- even though I didn't really understand what I was doing, I supposedly made some outs and scored some runs!The overload of testosterone had a funny effect on me- one moment I was beating them all at arm wrestling, and the next moment I had to paint my nails to balance out.

There are several college students that work at Kingswood as 'Stooges' (they have the responsibilities that I mentioned before) and it makes life at Kingswood so enjoyable. They have all become such good friends- so fun, incredibly friendly and willing to invite me along to things. Here's a peak at our Cricket game, it was Stooges against the kids-- didn't catch the exciting plays, but you can hear a little bit of their accents and see a little of what I see...

I thought we spoke the same language...

When you go for a drive in South Africa you make turns at the 'robots' (traffic lights). If you're from the States, it will most likely 'cause you a fright' as you find yourself driving on the left side of the road. (This creates a really funny experience for me because when you look at the drivers seat it looks like no ones driving the car!)'Oh my word!' So 'hectic' (crazy)! It's interesting to me how it parallels with people walking on the left side of the hallway- I've finally learned this the hard way! Kingswood College is filled with 'grade knots' (Kindergarten) to 'Matrics' (Seniors) and I don't teach Fifth Graders, but 'Grade Fives'. They all just got back from their 'holiday' so they're very rested and active. My class is filled with names like Vaughen, Clifford, Bronwyn, & Vuyo who are a 'lovely' group who manage to be 'quite nice' and 'naughty' at the same time. (A relief that kids seem to stay the same no matter where you go!) High expectations are put on these kids to keep their 'files' (notebooks) 'tidy' and all their 'rubbish' in the 'dust bins'. They work diligently to not get 'ticks' (check marks) so their 'marks' (grades) will be high and they always stick to their 'time tables' (calanders). They use 'elastics' (rubber bands) and 2 ring 'punches' on their papers. (I confusedly asked where the 3 ring hole punch was {laughter} and I was told I probably wouldn't find one of those around here.) The kids are very polite, if I needed anything they'd ask, 'mus'nt I go fetch that for you?' As I wrote before, I am always 'keen' for 'half past 10' (never 10:15 or 10:30, but quarter past 10...) for tea and 'samies' (grilled cheese with tomatoes) in the teacher's lounge where you can also find their 'pigeon holes' (mailboxes). I think it's pretty 'kiff' (cool) how the 'chaps'/'oaks' (guys) always offer me their 'sweeties' (candy), but sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to say no. (This is not a language barrier problem unfortunately!) I hope to get the chance to load some more pictures 'just now' (not to be confused with 'right now' but 'eventually'- again, I had to learn this one the hard way).

It's been so good to have all these experiences, but it sure doesn't keep me from missing warm hugs and deep relationships. Miss you all so much :)

I thought I arrived in Africa...

One of the most interesting parts about SA is how it's home to 2 drastically different cultures. A week ago I was in the Transkei walking among black African women wrapped in cloth in their rodillas (clay homes with straw roofs) holding their starving babies, and now I'm surrounded by a community of black and (mostly) white Africans who seemed to have been transported from Britain yesterday. I feel like I've travel to 2 countries in one trip!

I started with my actual Student Teaching at Kingswood College in Grahamstown last Tuesday. It's a boarding school for k-12 grade. I still can't comprehend how these little kids live so far from home while still being so young- I'm 23 and can still get homesick!

On my first day you could have told me I had somehow arrived on another planet and I would have believed you. Wherever you walk there are students greeting you, "'Mam" and my class even stands up to greet me when I walk in the room! "Good day Ms. Duggan". It really caught me off guard when the students pause beside the door frame waiting to let me go through first. The British Education culture has to be made up of geniuses, because the best surprise came around 10:30am when I learned there was a tea and toasted sandwich break everyday for all the teachers! I am definitly willing to bring this tradition back to the states! It was fun to see the students eagerness to ask me questions, one memoriable one being "What celebrities have you met? Have you been to California? Las Vegas?" [Since all they know of the US is from the movies! I can't imagine what preconcieved ideas they had about me!]

School in the 3rd World

This blog is still in progress... I get little spurts of time, but come back for the complete story! Visiting Schools in the Transkei. It's was shocking to see how many miles all these kids would have to walk on the highways just to get to school. We arrived just as the bell was ringing and it was fun to see the last of them scurring up the road to be on time (I was sure able to relate!). To start of the day they would line up in their classes and sing songs that made any choir I've ever heard sound pitiful. With the most beautiful voices and harmonies they sang, then heard a morning devotion, that would be given today by their new American friend (me) by translator. Above is a picture of their precious kindergarten class that we got to set in on and watch. They couldn't have been more adorable as they happily sang songs about their colors and days of the week while sitting on cratored cement floors with no matierals or toys except some little wood pieces they called their blocks. It was so funny as they each took turns introducing themselves, the boys especially would pridfully shout (and the teacher welcomed their loud enthusiasum), "Ey um sp-e-cial, ey um unique, my name es ____, ey um fieve yeers ould and ey um a bouy." The teacher was very kind to me and I keep thinking how she asked me if I ever got to come back if I could bring some matierals. I would love to do that.

This is a clip of a Pre-School we vistited, all orphans, who are learning their number '5' and vowels. The teachers bouncy and loving personality was so beautiful.

Life in the Transkei

Well, here it is, a view of the Trankskei. Its a vast (mini) mountainous area that is covered with townships packed with many people living in 3rd World devastation. We got to work with a man named Dan, a missionary here from Kansas, who helps to organize sponsorships for children in extreme poverty, most of whom are orphans. The town committee helped Dan get a list of 50 children that we were there to get their information and picture, but when other people from the township heard word we were there, the line was endless! In effort to not make anyone angry, we took every one's information, about 150 children in the end. (It's harder to hide from angry people when your whiteness sticks out so badly, so we gladly agreed!) Since I couldn't speak their language (African) I got the best job, while Justus and Inge took their information, I got to take their picture and give them candy.There would be children that would come who looked in a daze, which I learned was a symptom of mal-nutrition. So many of the kids had the most beautiful, charming smiles, but when it came time for me to get their picture, they would give the most serious looks. I was beginning to feel like I was failing at my job, then I learned that was pretty common place, that many in their culture believe they look ugly when they smile. I still gave it my best attempt, I tried tickling, and butchering their word for laugh, 'flacka' since they don't have a word for 'smile'. Another neat thing I got to see in action was Dan starting 2 new soup kitchens for orphan children. It was pretty simple, he would get them a stove, kitchen utensils, the food and a recipe, and set up shop for a local 'Momma' to be in charge of. 'Mommas' are respected woman in the community, it's a title of honor. I got to go to the grocery store with him, which was an experience in itself! The place was packed and it is common and comfortable in their culture to push around people, and cut in front of you in line. I was totally out of place and if Dan hadn't told me I was being way too polite we probably would have been in there twice as long.

We got to talk (well they did, and I got the English version later) to some of the local women in the communities of the new soup kitchens, and one of them was a teacher who said it wasn't uncommon for the children to start crying at 9 or 10 o'clock because they were so hungry. The two new locations are ideal because they are close to schools, so orphan children have a place they can go to when it's time for lunch. I can't imagine what kind of a struggle this is on a daily basis. This is just the tip of my experience there, so much more to tell and for me to still process.

Making a landing in SA

Yeah! I'm so glad you've clicked to read up on my page-- it's such an awesome thing to be able to connect to home when you're far from it. Be sure to leave a comment and let me know how you're doing :)


Well- I did it, I somehow I made my way through 5 airports, over 24 hours, and an ocean to safely make it to South Africa! (With all my luggage-- that's an quite an accomplishment for this first time solo traveler!) Surprisingly, so far I have loved facing this new experience head on by myself- just me and my thoughts and the new adventures around me.

I got in some prime time people watching while in the airports. Seeing Muslim men take off their shoes and bow to the East in the waiting area, and hearing a Jewish man (with his little hat) cheer 'Mozzeltoff' when they brought extra help to quicken the security line where some of my favorites. There was one truly American cultural phenomena that stopped me in my tracks at the NY airport and I had to stop and take a picture...grossness dispensed in a machine.

While on my first plane I got a real pleasant surprise from the cute flight attendant, "Ms. Dougen, we have a seat upgrade available for you." [He said it was sympathy for knowing I had a long flight ahead of me, but I'd like to think it's one advantage of being a woman traveling alone ;) ] On another flight I had a most interesting traveling seat neighbor, his name was Baa and he was a old African man that was quite smelly but very sweet. It was so funny and surprising when I woke up from a nap to see him wrapped in his blanked from the top of his head to his toes like a ca coon- I guess he the plane was a little colder than his liking.

My host family couldn't be more incredible with their warm hearts and charming British accents. There's Rufus, the 'Papa' who is a professional hunter. He's the kind of person that you would want to share exciting news with first because his jovial expressions more than light up the room. He teases me a lot about being an American and how I am his new project to 'toughen up'. Almarie, his wife and my African mom is so special. She is full of wisdom and wit and takes more than enough care for me. Justus, their son, is a Jr. in highschool and as onry as ever. Inge is their daughter who's a sophmore in highschool, who has such a good mix of tomboyishness and tenderheartedness we connect very well. It's fun to have little syblings around. :) I'll have to get a picture of them up here soon.


We spent the last few days on their Ranch, relaxing and letting me take in the sights. I've seen monkeys, a massssive spider, Kudo (huge African deer with horns), Dika, and Springy (American rabbit on steriods mixed with a small kangeroo). I've eaten Kudo sausage, Leg of Lamb and Sheep Ribs, all firsts for me! The first picture is of their sheep, many of whom just had little lambs that I got to hold. Justus drove Inge and I around on the Safri Jeep all over as we collected plants for their garden. Have you seen those pictures with monkeys that have orange slices in their mouths? That's what I was thinking here, trying to fit in with my environment in the jeep picture. The picture of the massive clay mound is an ANT HILL that are all over, they are at least to my thigh- they make American ants look like wimps!

Tommorrow are headed to the Transky, the 'real Africa' as they say, where they do their ministry. I'm looking forward to it. Miss you all and will post more later. Much love from SA.

John 8:31-32
31Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
32And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

These have been some of my favorite words to think about lately. Rich-beautiful-strong-hopeful-healing. They're 'big picture' words for me. I want to know the Truth more. I want to know its 'ins and outs' so well that I can know God more clearly and direct my life after it. I just want the truth- there are so many lies and so much confusion that can seem to be so convincing but so empty. The Resurrection (period).

I had a first today... a whole afternoon (until 4pm) anyway, to do absolutely nothing. I took the opportunity to take a breath, and step back to look at where I am in life. [This sounds strange until I get the chance to explain how crazy busy and absorbed into the daily routine details I've had to be lately]

I'm now a new 23 year old, post college woman working and living at home for the summer. I'm working two jobs to pay for my plane ticket to South Africa in August and to build up some savings to pay for student loans when I graduate in December. Underneath the discomfort of going through these last few challenging months, I would never take the easy route and miss what I've been able to take away from them.

I truly understand what it feels like for someone to experience doubt in their faith- to hit the bottom- and the confusion, and sadness that goes with it when what they've held so dear is questioned.

In May I taught in a KC school where few sterotypes fit at all. There were so many positive things going on there- you really can't go by what you hear- experience it for yourself, and then make an opinion.

I've felt anger when I watched one of my wealthier classmates stick up her nose when we drove through a poor side of town. What makes people think they are any better than another person because they have nicer things? That really bothered me and opened my eyes to the rotteness of ignorant pride.

I got to experience what it feels like to be an extreme minority, to be stared at in crowds and wondering to myself about what kind of wrong judgements they're making about me. Then, to learn some of my own wrong judgements I had made about them.

Overall, my job at Freedom School has been a challenging uphill battle. Nothings come easy and I've had to learn to motivate myself to keep going. I've gotten to experience so many awesome instances with the kids- trouble makers turned teacher's pets and glares turned into hugs. It's taken lots of care and patience-- but it really is rewarding to see some good come out. [It's only been one week-- let's hope I can still say the same at week 6!]

I just realize how general, and corny this sounds, but really- with all the new, unknown, and challenging things that have been put on my plate, I have experienced and learned so much in a short amount of time. There's been a lot of frusteration, and some tears, but it makes me think I always want to keep challenging myself anyway.

Post Northwest

I've decided the day before Mother's Day is my favorite day to shop- it was adorable today to see so many men trying cluelessly to pick out just the right purse or other gift for the special women in their life.

I'm now officially moved out of Maryville for good, and I'm going to miss it. Between saying good-bye to good friends, preparing the next leaders to take over CRU, packing up and moving out, and oh yeah- finals, it was a whirlwind of activity and emotion. Lots of really good memories and experiences came from ol' Maryville, and I'm thankful.

I had a whopping 2 days to let myself have closure and have it all settle in before my next adventure started. During the month of May I'm completing my teaching practicum at McCoy Elementary, an inner city KC school, and so far I'm loving it. In the midst of broken homes, poverty, drugs, and gang activity lye a class of third graders that have stolen my heart. These kids are so loving, and anti-sterotipical well behaved. I never leave without hugs and lots of disappointed faces that I'm leaving. I'm spoiled to have them.

Too legit to quit.

Unlike my entire life, this last semester I've pondered the legitimacy of Christianity more than ever. I've learned the perspective of the 'other side' and can see how Christianity can come across as less than convincing.

I've made a lot of asumptions... [which I'm sure the saying about 'asumptions' will prove true here somewhat as well]. What this really means is I judge people all the time and I'm not always right.

I assume that lots of people are in Christianity for reasons other than that they believe in God and want to give their lives to Him. I can see why unbelieving people call the church a feel-good 'crutch'. Why wouldn't people be drawn to a place where they are told constantly that someone loves them, will unconditionally forgive them, and allow them to think that everything they do is important because this God has a special plan for their life. [Since no person does this for them-- why not make up an invisible being that does? This way they wont get hurt or dissapointed.]

Then there are those that go through the Christian routine with no real signifigance that there is a God in their lifes at all. They are the ones that eat up the attention and praise they get for living the Christian life style and look down on those who don't. Christian activities become purpose for having a social circle where they belong and can stay busy and where they get their pats on the back for doing what's right. Christianity is nothing more than good PR for some and it sure doesn't sell God for an unbeliever or for anyone for that matter.

Sometimes my personal doubts come when I see the lack of initive in my life and the Christians around me. If God is legit, and His Words are true- then why can it be like pulling teath to get people to actually do something with what they say they believe? If God is real, why is it so hard to find people, especially guys to stand up and be bold in what they know about God or take any kind of spiritual risk? What we know about God sometimes doesn't seem to be enough to persuade us to make it a priority to tell unbeliving people about Him or to live our lives any differently than someone that doesn't know God. We are telling the world that we'll talk about how we believe in God, but we don't really believe it enough for it to significantly change our lives.

The seemingly ignorant and nieve Christian sayings are another thing that just sends me over the edge. Nothing screems ignorance like cliche, fairy tale type, cutsie sayings. Ignornace means to an unbeliever (and any sceptical mind, including myself) that you have been brainwashed into what you think, and you are just repeating what you've been spoon fed.

Examples that I can laugh at now, but at the time I was so annoyed...
- At CRU we had a speaker this semester that claimed it obviously wasn't God's will for her to go to Grad. School because she didn't pass the GRE. "Everything happens for a reason" right? It was just a minor detail that she didn't put any effort into studying for it. Ahh! Dumb!! Don't blame your bad decision on God.
- I was telling a pastor that I really admire recently how I was discouraged and struggling with logically dealing with things about Christianity. His advice for me was to, 'be encouraged'. I knew what he ment by that, but in my sceptical and sarcastic mind all I could think was, "Wow, that was deep. I'm totally encouraged now, that did the trick, thanks."
- The idea of blind faith is ironic to me too. 'Just believe.' I'm sure the people that flew the planes into the Twin Towers on 9/11 were completely motivated by blind faith too.


I'm not saying I think God and Christianity are not legit. I am saying if people arn't really persuing knowing God and what truth is, it sure makes it harder to be convincing.

What are your thoughts?

Little People

Awesome kid moments lately...

+ I was ease dropping on preschooler Maddie talking dramatically with her friend at the sand table, "Did you know Beast, in The Beauty and the Best is real. He is, I know he is because I saw him at Disney World."
+ One of my favorite first grade boys asked me yesterday if I would marry him. I had to tell him no because he was too short for me. :)
+ This one means the most to me... a boy that has always been the biggest trouble maker the 2 years I've worked there(to the point of having to leave the program because of violence) and has always made it no secret he didn't like me-- recently has become my biggest fan. 'Ms. Emily, Ms. Emily watch this.' (I heard this about 10 times in a 30min period today). I mentioned I liked a movie, 'Oh yeah that is a good movie. Yeah, that is a really good movie. Ms. Emily are you going to be in afterschool today?' It's a powerful thing to see a change of heart.

Some how, getting this out feels better.

A little piece of me deadens thinking of being surrounded in one area of thought. Thus, the idea of being locked into a career sounds dreadful and blinding. All through school, I've thrived in how every hour of my day has been drastically different, going from one dramatically different subject to another, with different people, with different possibilities for conversation and experience. Yes, I'm a young and ignorant college student, and I fit the mold in that I don't want to be tied down.

Getting ready for another transition has also made me full of reflection. Leaving the people I've grown with the last 4 years is horrible thing to ask of someone. This is hypocritical of me-- the one that loves change-- to be bitter of the fact that change requires relationships to change. I'm probably being a little dramatic-- I bet Kansas City will keep many of my friends close to me. Part of me has regret that I didn't take the chance to get to know some great people better. Part of me is scared that this summer, living back at home, is going to be a lot harder than I think it will. Part of me is ready to leave because of an ever widening experience/maturity gap that makes it hard to relate at times.

Right now I'm in probably one of the most frustrating, uprooting period of my faith and out look on life. My mind has been filled with criticisms and doubts. I have the feeling that this will either make my faith much stronger or deflate a huge part of me. Through all this logical debate in my mind-- I also feel this emotional struggle-- there's a part of me that will push God away, in hopes that He'll pursue even harder, and not give up on me, vs. this fear that, what if He doesn't?

Kindred Spirit?

This is Desiderius Erasmus, one of the most influential of the northern Renaissance humanists as well as my new fascination of study. He desired to restore Christianity to the early simplicity found in Jesus' teaching in a time where the "church" was horribly corrupted in legalistic forms of religion. He believed that to reform the church it involved spreading an understanding of the philosophy of Jesus, providing an enlightened education in the sources of early Christianity, and making common sense criticism of the abuses in the church.

Thank God for how he used this man and Martin Luther right after him. Who would have thought I'd find western civ 2 so intriguing.

I am in a confusing/exciting/up in the air time in my life-- transitioning from college to the 'real world'. It's made me think about so many things, like what REAL Christ following in America looks like post college. What is idealistic? What is realistic? What is ignorange? What parts of American "Christianity" have turned too comfortable where they're no longer as Jesus intented them? What does the Word of God really say daily life should be like? What skills has God given me and how I'm a suppose to use them? I fear having to spend so much time in a job that I loose focus on the most important things. I'm looking forward to being challenged and getting to know God in a new way by being in a different enviornment. I really hope to student teach abroad for the same reason, but nothing is falling into place right now. I'll write more, this is just to get something on here for now.

Em