Up Close and Personal

So I just got over with one of the best experiences I've had as person wanting to follow Christ and it feels awesome. This is totally the way God works and it's so beautiful and genuinely felt so thankful to be able to be a part of it.

Here's how the story goes...

While I was in South Africa I wanted to be away from all the influences around me so I could deal with some blows I had to my faith and to be able to sort things out with God by myself. The time away was just what I needed, but my purpose there to reconnect with God didn't happen until a few bumps in the road.

So when I came back, I felt weak, knowing and believing in God, but I was dealing with the aftermath of my mistakes and again feeling malnourished in my faith. It was at that time that I couldn't' get the idea out of my head and felt so driven and passionate about bringing the Just Walk Across the Room Course to the church I grew up in but hadn't really been to since high school.

I can't tell you how uncomfortable I felt presenting the idea to these two pastors that I really admired but was really intimated by -- what "right" did I have to lead this course in the position I was in? Surprisingly, I was given the go ahead, and then started the 7 month uncomfortable process of promoting and getting leaders involved from the church (where I was a stranger) and then lots of other administrative things that were over my head.

The 4 week course finally became a reality and took place in November. The course was a video and group discussion set up all about Jesus' love for people and how to share that love and the gospel. There were about 200 people, and it seemed to go over really well. I don't really care to know if or how people were affected by it, what was so cool to me was what it meant from me to God-- that He let me be a part of something so worthwhile when I was in a position of having nothing to offer.

I get the feeling that is how it's always suppose to be.

New Chapter

I open my eyes some mornings still in shock of the day in front of me.

Last August through February I woke up in South Africa, traveling and experiencing a far away culture and people. March through August I woke up living in a new house back with my parents, waitressing nights and weekends, waking up when I wanted to and loving my Salsa Nights and T-Ball. Now when I wake up, all those people and places and experiences are still fresh on my mind, but life in front of me has changed dramatically again. Within a few days I stopped working at Olive Garden, started a new full time job, started three masters classes, changed my degree and said good bye to any second of free time. All these changes with the changes of people and time and mind frames that go with them all equaled up to a lot!

Not going to lie, that was a month ago and I'm finally over the urge to cry at any moment.

My new ideal day is waking up at 5ish, studying for a few hours, working from 8-4, and going to classes Tuesday and Wednesday (until 10pm!) nights at UMKC and studying every spare second in between. It's tough- that's the bad news, the good news is, I'm learning to like it a lot- or at least survive.

My new job is being a Para Professional in an elementary school in Raytown. I work in a self contained classroom of seven, 5-7 year old boys with Autism or Downsyndrom. Normal days include screaming meltdowns, violent tantrums, and chasing down one little boy that escapes and tries to run away. Normal days also include sweet moments of little boys looking out for each other and saying some hilarious things. I'm learning a whole new way to teach and I work with awesome woman, that thankfully know a lot more about what they're doing than I do!

Just as I was starting my Masters degree, I changed it to a Masters in Curriculum and Instruction with an emphasis in Multiculturalism. I don’t' know how this math works out, but for my 3 classes I have 8 books to read, with the awesome kind of chapters that are 50-100 pages long. I have been surprisingly shocked though at how interested I am in most of my reading. It's all about learning how to teach students with diverse cultures and include social justice in your teaching, which is right up my ally.

So that's it, this is the new chapter I'm in now. It's hard because with new and evermounting responsibilities it takes away from keeping up with people I care about. If you're reading this you're probably one of them!

My mom has been such awesome support for me.

VA

One of my new favorite life experiences is spending Wednesday mornings at the VA (Veterans Association- Hospital). I hope you get the chance to experience it someday. The vibe of this place comes alive as soon as you walk in and you get this deep sense of awe in the history of valor , defeate and comrodery that surrounds you. War Veterans come in that are ornery, overwhelmed, and more often than not hiding fear about the unstability of their health. Most of them are WW2 or Vietnam Vets who come proudly sporting their division with hats/jackets and are ready to share stories and life advice with whoever is in earshot. I get to be a part of a team that greets them and helps them find their way around the hospital. I've gotten to ease anxieties, hold hands, push wheel chairs, make appointments, wait in waiting rooms, go for cane 'fittings', share Laffy Taffy and today have to tell an elderly man I probably couldn't marry him even if he was willing to buy me a car. Ha! Lots of big flirts still in their old age! It's been a pretty special thing for me- especially thinking about my Grandpa (WW2) and my Dad (Vietnam) and my brother and his wife who are leaving for Army Boot Camp in October. In some round about way I feel like it's my chance to support them.

News...

Two days ago my family found out my dad is eligible for Veterans Disability because of Agent Orange he was exposed to in Vietnam.

(Taking out the part of the story that includes my dad's health issues and how hard it's been for everyone to deal with them.)

I found out one of his benefits is that I have until I turn 26 (23 months) to accept money for school, more than enough to pay for a Masters. Insane, absolutely unreal. I never thought I would. (Will be paying for Undergrad for sometime still!)

But as of yesterday I decided, applied, and am taking the GRE this Saturday! Wow, still surprising news to me. Looking into online English as a Second Language Masters through NWMSU.

Feelings of insane humblness, graditude, weight of a 2 year commitment, and a touch of sceptisisim that it will help me in getting a job in the current economy-- but all the same, imense graditude for the oppurtunity.

These are a few of my favorite things...currently.

- Magic Shell Chocolate Fudge
...seriously, if you haven't tried it, it will change your life. Somehow this liquidy chocolaty goodness goes hard when it touches ice cream, creating sensational magic inside your mouth.

- The fact I have my days off.
...I tried for awhile to get a 2nd job for the day time, but so glad I didn't. Spent today with Ashley and wedding crafts, and tomorrow with Ang and my sis (and the little ones!) to Kaleidoscope!

- Blog/Facebook comments.
... Enough said. Everyone loves those!

- My niece 5 mins away.
... My 3 year old niece Elisa lives so close, I love getting to spend time with her. We have a special song we we made up and sing together regularly, "It's Emily and Elisa day, it's Emily and Elisa day, IT'S EMILY AND ELISA DAY, HURRRRRRAAAAY!!!" We're getting really good at it, of course there's lots of jumps and squeals and wiggles mixed in between.

- Road Trip!
... Leaving Thursday for a road trip with my good friend Erin to go see Kels in TEXAS! Excited for the adventure and the spontaneous combustion of craziness that is inevitable when we're together.

Ways I Feel Love

My dad asks me routinely how my cars working. Whenever I go somewhere he worries I don't have enough money and it takes heavy persuasion to reassure him I'll be fine.

My mom is so patient with me. She makes herself available and ready to help with absolutely anything and everything. Especially when I get lost driving more than I'd like to admit, she always becomes a loving Gardin.

My brothers voluntarily help me with my technological issues, even if it means a big time commitment.

My sister likes to dream with me and supports me in them.

I feel love in excited hellos or when people ask, listen, and then remember later to ask how that thing is going. And when people share their food with me. :)

I heard a guy say the other day that he considered being appreciative one of the purposes in life. I want to slow down and appreciate these things.

Summer Time!

If I were to pin point one of my absolute favorite feelings in the world (okay-- maybe just on the top ten) it would have to be summer time driving,
windows all the way down,
feet out the window (preferably not driving!),
music way up
and on route to an adventure.
The smell of fresh air and feeling of hair tussling. Man, this gets me excited just thinking about it! I would have trail mix and big sun glasses and I would be on my way to go canoeing/rafting/tubing/anything with wonderful company. Ahhhhhhhhhh sweet summertime.

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Random fact about me is that I love linear things, and I've been realizing it more and more. I doodle geometrically, and I love linear hair cuts, designs and architecture. Last Christmas I went shopping for a new womanly bedspread (envisioning flowers, dainty curls, girliness) and after much contemplation I came home with a brown and white one with solid lines and I love it. Most of all I love boxy cars, especially Jeeps- Wrangler, Patriot, or Cherokee, my head turns every single time with a twinge of envy.

What does that say about me? Maybe I'm more of a linear thinker than I realize... I don't like too much fluff, I like things simple maybe?

Doughnuts and Departures

I don't know what it is about people wanting me to eat with them when I serve at Olive Garden, but last night was another one of those sweet moments. This precious old couple invited me (with lots if persausive force!) to share their desert (Zeipple-- little Italian doughnuts). "Oh honey, you need to have another one" as we sat and chatted and later a $20 tip! Couldn't belive it.

So my brother enlists in the Army today. His wife is as well. Scary stuff. Between their apartment leases and departure date (3 mos.?) they'll be living at home which will be cool because we can spend lots of time together. Of course a lot of patience will be needed as well, but I'm looking foward to it.

And it's now looking like my adventure to Costa Rica might be prolonged a few months. Hum, lifes on a wim at this stage.

Paid Reality Show

I know if Olive Garden had their own reality TV show it would be a hit- or at least I would like it! (I do actually, because I live it!) Filled with dramatic/funny/odd characters, there's always something entertaining and something to catch you off guard. I like to gamble with Mike (I've lost 20 cents so far- looking for a rematch) on whose food will come first in the window. Jorge's always ready to tell you 'ey luv you bebe', and laugh overly hard when he can't understand your English. Then there's Asian Mike who breaks out in full blown seriously loud opera singing to the costumers, and older Debra, full of ornery spunk who will tell you unfiltered how life is. If rambunctious Charlie finds you oblivious, he'll slip onions and lemons in your pouch, and if he has a towel in his hands, someone can expect a stinger on their behind! (I got one the other day and the whole restaurant heard about it! "CHARLIE!!!" Woops!) My friend Jen and I look a lot a like, and he have a great time tricking coworkers and costumers on whose who, and it often works!

I'm enjoying the show and enjoying them... most days.

Today I'm feeling restless.

Right now I have no desire to be settled or to start a family. I don't get excited about planning a wedding or decorating a house or being domesticated. I'm sure it will be enjoyable when the time comes. I guess it's easier to say this being on the outside, but I feel like it's easy to be pulled into all the little cares and concerns of those things and I see people turn in and get consumed with them. I don't want to do that. These people have so much potential to do bigger things. I never want to lose sight of the big things. Ever. I want to be turned out. I love what my aunt told me the other day, "you know, my house is rarely clean, but I love spending more time at the soup kitchen." I don't want to get more excited about new brownie pans then getting the chance to help someone out. I don't want to stress about my daily to-do list when there are people dieing of hunger. I don't want to get angry about late garbage pick-up when children are being abandoned. I don't want my priorities to be on nothing when they can be on something.

Go Thunder! Tee-Ball

Coach Emily/Third Base Coach/Me: Alright Sean, as soon as he hits that ball you gotta run lightening speed to home plate.

Sean (5 years): Have you ever seen Sonic the Head Hodge when he goes so fast he turns black?

Me: (Laughing) Is that what you're going to do?

Sean: (Big grin) YES!

(This little boy also runs with his arms straight for the same reason!)

Overheard...

Coach: You're playing short stop this inning.

Player: (5 yrs) Okay! Where's short stop?

Coach: Between 2nd and 3rd Player: Okay! Where's 2nd?

Pictures of Purity

During worship today a picture was painted so clear in my mind and it had nothing to do with what we were singing about. I imagined the reaction of an owner of a 14 carat diamond would have if someone wrongly accused them of it being fake. This diamond was a very special thing to the owner, something they took time to save for, it was an investment, and they spent a great deal to get the real thing. With lots of emotion stirring inside of them, I imagine this owner would have adamant rebuttal to the accusation. This is the same with my purity that Jesus gave me. Satan cannot belittle what I have as not being real or enough to cover the dark parts of my life. NO. I have the most expensive, high-end purity/blamelessness/righteousness and it is mine and it is more than enough to cover me.

Olive Garden Blessings

Blessings bursted out yesterday at work. In the afternoon I had a 7 top table of manly, ornery police officers and between our sense of humors we were cracking up the whole time, teasing about looks, schools and farting. They even invited/made me sit down (picture me with my full blown Olive Garden uniform, not exactly camouflaged in my surroundings!) and eat a piece of cake with them while talking about life and the struggle to push against the overwhelming amount of crap in the world to try to do some good.

I loved this experience so much and it made up for the mean outbursts of the salad lady and being yelled at by my trainer for carrying a salad bowl out with my hands and not a tray... I'm sorry Olive Garden for not having 'excellence in my tray service'. Oh brother.

Then during my break before the dinner shift, I was sitting and chatting with 4-5 other servers when talk of faith came up and I honestly couldn't get a word in. It came out that several people had their own faith in Christ and they started telling me how real God was and how burdened they felt to tell others about Him. As I heard how God was working in people's lives I got teary eyed. What an encouragement. People bring this up and talk about it more often.

Longing.

Hispanic cooks pretend fighting over who's my 'novio', a phone number mysteriously left for me on a ticket, but today beats them both... a high school boy child waiter told me in all seriousness, "The strangest thing happens when I bump into you, it makes me feel like I can fly." This was the icing of the cake of gag reflexes for me, especially after last shift when I gave up counting how many times he tried to tie in cutesy compliments and pokes on my waist. Believe me, it is only the tiniest, minuscule amount of flattery, with a massive amount of annoyance and desire to ask him if his moms okay with him working this late.

It's all in good fun. I enjoy the people I work with a lot, my heart just aches.

I see cute couples out every night I work. I notice how they've dressed up and are just so jubilant to be out with their date, it's obvious its a special occasion to them. I ache for the time when I can be on the other side of the uniform.

This is and has been a daily normal occurrence on my mind. I absolutely cannot wait to meet "my man" for life. I am beyond excited and know this waiting has just built a huge reserve of how much I will treasure him and the time we get to share. I hope this will make me look beyond little flaws and respect just being able to have him, his manliness, his perspective, his company.

Sometimes I feel late- seeing a lot of my friends already married. Sometimes I feel early, knowing I've got most of my 20's in front of me. I'm great with "soon", I'll be great with "later" but right now I'm just filled with longing!

Back from Outerspace: God and Time

They say sometimes you don't experience culture shock until you come home. I think they might be on to something...

Another thing that stuck out to me when I got home from South Africa was the totally different view on time. In "Africa time" they schedule by the day and not the hour, and 'now' is not in their vocabulary (at least how we mean it). There's 'just now', which could be between 15 minutes to whenever I feel like it, or 'now now' which means in a little while, but there's no rush...ever. I spent a lot of time waiting in South Africa, taking awhile for my American promptness to wear off.

This opened my eyes to my American time frame in how I view my relationship with God. There were a few times in SA that I was hoping and planning on dramatic light bulb experiences. I was out by myself with high expectations, in breathtaking scenery, listening to powerful music and expecting to hear from God. I wanted to finally have my doubts settled, get direction and know without a doubt who God is and who I am, and what drive was going to be behind my life. Silence. Nothing. Over and over again.

On separate occasions I shared my complicated frustrations with two woman who ironically (?) told me the same thing, "Emily, maybe you just need to chill out." Ha- funny that's what I tell other people all the time when I myself needed to hear it. They told me, if you're pursuing God, He will show You who He is and direct you in His timing, just wait."

Another admirable man with his share of past downfalls told me, "Emily, life is just one huge journey to know God. God might take years just to show you one little lesson."

These instances opened my overplaning/anylising/detail oriented mind to seeing more of the big picture of my life, and to just "sit back and enjoy the ride." It's not always that complicated after all.

And it's not until now that those pieces are finally starting to come together.

Back from Outerspace: Obesity

I've been home now for a month and already in the swing of things, so much so it sometimes feels like it was all a dream.

First thing that stuck out to me when I got back was the outrageous amount of people here that are ridiculously overweight. I know, not nececiarrily a shocker, but it's such a shame. You strained to find a 1st world fat person in South Africa, young or old, it is just not culturally acceptable. This shows that getting old, being too busy ect. are really not excuses, and it can be done reasonably. We have such a spoiled culture where it is extreemly uncomfortable and rare to have to resist ourselves from anything we want. This comes from someone, who at the ripe age of 23, was just told by her doctor that she has high cholesteral and needs to lose 15 pounds. Don't worry, I'm on it.

Reminds me of a talk show on recently where they were discussing how American's were concerned that Barbie would increase rates of anerexia among children, when, ironicaly, we have the highest rate of childhood obesity. Makes me sick.

On the other hand, it's interesting that it's a compliment to 3rd world Africans to call them fat, because it means to them that they are prosperous and they don't have "the disease".

So, it could be worse- we could be in a culture that is just happy if they're able to eat everyday, but I do hope my culture and myself experience how good a little more will power feels.