This last Saturday my dear Grandpa Brody passed away.
Along with mourning such a immeasurable loss, I noticed there were other feelings of loss that were stirring inside of me. It was more than losing a strong, moral, kind grandpa, but because of his role in my life it feels like the loss of much more.
It brings me back to those little girl desires that it seems were never intended to go away. Our innate desire for our dads, grandpas and our"princes" (and all the other men in our lives) to be our protectors and leaders against all the evil villains in the world. Granted, you grow up and realize their weaknesses and imperfections, but still, when they make the effort to lead or protect, it still can mean the world.
It makes my heart break again when I think of the loss of my Uncle Craig, for so many other reasons, but one being the fact he was a strong man of God that I long to be able to talk with about my faith and hear his advice and counsel. I also think about the recent loss of my dear friend Jarret Wade, who I also looked to as a spiritual leader in my life that I work to live after his example. I even think about Ced, my past boyfriend that I care about and respect, who was so protective over me, but now isn't apart of my life because God lead us different ways.
Sometimes I feel like I am up against the world alone and defenseless.
With all these things pressing heavy on my heart, God intervened and reminded me of truths that were able to sink in like they haven't been able to before. I don't want to go down the path of self protection where I build up walls around my heart and think I'm strong enough to deal with anything life throws at me alone. Instead, humbly, I believe that I am in need of God and I trust that He is my loving and strong protector and leader that is more than anything I will come up against. Other men may play a similar role in my life in the future, but it wont compare. How thankful I am though for those men that have reflected God's character to protect and lead in my life!
Thanking God today especially for my precious Grandpa Brody. I love you so much and will miss you terribly. The impact you've made in raising up our family is the most beautiful gift and I'm so thankful for you. I cannot wait to see you again. <3
